one word

And that's a problem.

It was just one stupid word.

Hopefully it won't last long.

Ugh.

Aside from that I spent a marvelous weekend watching

sports at the Hunstman Center.

Wishing the gymnastics team had won. 

Oh well, we only lost by .3.

And our cute little 

(who refers to a basketball team as little?  Me apparently) 

basketball team only lost by 6 to Colorado State.

But the game was lots of fun.

I got on the jumbotron a lot!

Then I headed up to P.C. for some Sundance action with my friends.

Star-gazing failed, and we were sad because 

50-cent was supposed to be up there.

We didn't see him.

But it was lots of fun,

and we had some funny car conversations.

Overall, it was a good weekend,

much better than last weekend.

I'm liking this whole "turning over a new leaf" thing.

after some re-evaluation

I have concluded that I need to do something about my life.  It's okay to still be sad, I lost someone I love more than anything, and I'll never get him back.  So it's perfectly alright to be sad and feel lonely, and cry a lot.  That's. Totally. Fine.

What's not fine is the moping, and the complaining, and the sad projection into my everyday life.  That is not okay.  I have been given this fabulous life to live by a wonderful loving Heavenly Father, and He would not want me to waste it being sad and pathetic always.

So I'm going to be okay.  If you ask, "I'm good!"  No matter how much my shattered heart hurts at that moment, I will be good.  I don't need people feeling sorry for me, and I don't need people to know everything about my life.  I just need them to know that I am eternally grateful for all of my experiences (painful though they may be) and I am a happy person.  I have been set on this path for a reason, and I will conquer this as I have every other thing in my life.

Yes, I hurt.  Yes, I am lonely.  Yes, I am sad.  And yes, I miss him more than any word in any language can describe.



But I'm good.  Thanks for asking.

one of those . . . couple months

You know when you can just say, "It's just been one of those days."?

Well I am just saying, "It's just been a couple of those months."

 I. am. so. tired. 

...spent a while last night waiting for a phone call that never came...

so cold it hurts

I do not like SLC in January.  Too too cold.  It hurts to go outside!

Today I painted my fingernails for the first time in a year.  They are white. 

I also decided that if I could get laser hair removal, I would have my eyebrows permanently shaped.  Waxing them is such a pain!

well

Some days are easier than others.

Today is one of the not-so-easy days.

images from Google Image search

for one class....

I have to write 500 words every day.
And email them to my prof.
500 words.
Weekends, holidays, and spring break included.
500 narrative words.
Aka—no journal entries, no pouring my heart out because I'm sad.
Nope.
500 word stories.
Every.
Single.
Day.

I thought this was an intro to writing class....

sad news

For those of you who were curious...

I didn't get into that class.

first day of school! first day of school!

I am not Nemo. Therefore I am not jumping up and down in the anemone (wow, that word is hard to spell) just waiting to swim off to school.  Granted, Nemo's school is waaaay cooler than college.  I certainly wouldn't mind if Mr. Ray were my teacher, he's awesome.
But, today is the first day of school, again.  I've had lots of these in my life, and they never get easier.  It's the start of my sixth semester of college (that sort of sounds like a lot, huh?) and I really just want to graduate. I'm so so done.  The only reason I'd stay forever would be to continue having bomb seats at sporting events.... Yes, I will join the FUSS when I graduate.  Or get really great alumni seats.  Something so that I'm still there.
Basically what I've decided today is that add codes suck.  For the first time in my college career I am praying praying praying that my professor will be nice and let me join his class. Mostly because it's required to graduate, and without it I'll only have 12 credits.  Eesh.  So, here's hoping that I get into this required class.  Ugh, sometimes school is a pain in the butt.

How was your first day back at college?

resolution

2010 taught me a lot about love. What it is to really love another person more than you love anything or anyone else in the entire world. What it feels like to be loved back, even if it's brief, fleeting. What it truly feels like to put someone else's needs before your own. Complete and total trust in someone.



2010 also taught me what a broken heart really feels like. I've never felt so alone in my entire life than I do at this point right now.
One thing I do know with surety is that I am never completely alone. My Heavenly Father will never leave my by myself. He has been here for me through the darkest days. He's given me the greatest times of my life, and then told me they'll only get better. He has proved to me that one day my heart will never be broken again. Because of His love I know that one day someone will make me realize why I went through everything I did. It is so that I can spend forever with the one person who completes me. I won't pretend that I am patiently waiting for this, but I know it will happen exactly when it's supposed to.
What was the point of all that rambling, you ask?
My resolution this year is to not get my heart broken.
Because honestly, I can't do it. I cannot go through that anymore. It's broken enough as is. Time for a break. And 2011 seems like the perfect time for that.

confession

I am obsessed with this show.
I can't really explain why...
Mostly I just love to laugh at how the bride's families think the dress is their choice, not hers.
Um, right.
Also, I think it's hilarious that people spend sooo much money on a dress.  I would never even dream of spending $1000 on a dress, and these people are spending an upwards of $30,000.
Ridiculous.
Granted, many of the dresses are gorgeous, and I wouldn't mind making a stop to Kleinfeld just for the fun of it (though I think they'd kill me for being there just to dress up), but I'd rather spend money on something besides a froofy, immodest dress.
All that aside, it's still quite an enjoyment to watch!

 

(image courtesy of Google image search)

"You can plan for a change 

in the weather and time,

but I never planned 

on you changing your mind."

(Last Kiss, T-Swift)

goodbye 2010

In 2010 I...

joined the Muss Board

 sent my sweet cousin off on a mission to Hong Kong

 hiked Angel's Landing...almost

got a new car

went to Vegas for my first time

went to Boston with the fam

fell in love

became IC Vice Pres

went to Puerto Rico

participated in ESPN College Game Day

got a cat

went to my first bowl game, and loved it!

Even though 2010 ended far from how I thought it would, I learned more than I could have ever thought.  I feel so blessed, and am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for not only blessing me with so many amazing things, but for giving me trials because He knows I'll be okay.  The year ended with a broken heart, but an open mind.  I know things will work out exactly the way they are supposed to.

I am so grateful to have the Gospel in my life, and with that the knowledge that everything will be alright.  I'm grateful for tears because, though many have been shed this year, each one has helped me better understand who I'm supposed to be.

Bring it on 2011!  Can't wait to see what you have in store for me!