...there's this giant couch in front of my face...

Is it bad that I just want someone to hold me? That I want to cuddle up with someone and watch movies? That I want to have someone to hold forever, and not have to worry that he won't be there, cause he always will be there. I'm just so sick of being let down, and so sick of being lonely. I'm so sick of getting so close, of not being lonely for a short time, and then losing the happiness and becoming lonely again. I've realized this recently. Realized that I'm a very lonely person. But right now I'm sitting in my boss's office feeling extremely lonely. I can't help but wish that this past failure had gone right. That things could still be un-lonely and that we could be together. I can't help but wish that he hadn't lied. That he hadn't left. He said he wouldn't...and then he did. And everything makes me think of him and I can't handle it. I need to get away for awhile so I can stop thinking about him. Because seriously, I don't go long without thinking about him, and it's so bad for me. I'm just so angry. And so lonely and lost and I feel so hopeless. I pretend to be happy because I don't want my friends (or anyone else) to know that inside I'm actually dying. There's nothing left inside me and I honestly can say that there's only been one other time when my heart has hurt this badly. I wish I could say that things are okay and that I'm going to try to move on...but I'm not sure I can say that and believe myself. I know that moving on is the best thing for me, and the only way I can logically think to do that is to not see him. But I miss him so much. But I have to not see him. It's better that way. So I move on, the only way I'm allowing myself to move on. I'm done searching for guys, done finding them. If someone is interested in me, let him make the first move. Let him initiate everything and show all the interest before I do, because I cannot take what I've just gone through - what I'm still going through. It's killing me even now, which is so dumb. I feel absolutely stupid that I'm having such a hard time with this...but no one has ever said things to me that he said. No one has ever held me that way, or treated me that way. So I thought things would be different. That's why it hurts so much. I just can't handle that I got lied to. It kills me. I sit around and I remember everything he said to me. All the words, all the little sentences, the funny laughs. The stupid cheesy things he said to me, and then I can't do it anymore and I cry. I break down and I lose it. I'm so lost, and I'm so lonely. I can't do this anymore.

So I'm sitting here, lonely and thinking. There's this giant couch in front of my face (a very comfy couch may I add) and all I can think about is how badly I want someone to cuddle with on it. Someone I can have forever. I'm just a stupid pathetic girl who needs to move on from someone who deserves much better than the likes of me.